I write when I feel inspired. Inspired is honestly the last thing I feel right now. However, I know it’s important for myself to get this out while it’s fresh. I don’t want to lose any of the details.

After the specialist confirmed what I knew, there was nothing we can do because the cancer has spread, it was time to make that decision. The worst decision.

Honestly, I feel a grief I’ve never experienced before. Coby has been by my side since the day we met. He would be in the kennel at the vet while I worked back there, he would be sitting on the reception desk while I worked up front, we would let him run around the clinic as we cleaned every night, and eventually he came home on weekends with me. I decided to keep him without telling my parents, and fortunately they let me keep him when my mom discovered there was a dog living in my room for two weeks.

He moved with me, he waited at the door for me every single day. He sat on my lap while I did my makeup. He protected me. He barked at anyone he thought could be a threat. He moved again with me, this time to another state. He had several animal siblings who he successfully pretended didn’t exist. He announced our first baby. He loved our first baby. He was there for every family party. He loved tennis balls. He loved his rubber pig. He loved our second baby. He tolerated Leroy. He loved me.

We had a mini bucket list for our last few hours together. We did things he loved. He was happy and relaxed. I was happy and full of dread.

Grumpy boy wasn’t happy I took him out of his hiding spot.
Nervous at the specialty center.
Sitting on mom’s lap. Windows open and relaxed.
He was excited but couldn’t bite it. I cut it into pieces for him and it worked!
Quick stop for special treats. He didn’t like our first purchase so we went back in and tried a different kind.
One last new toy.
A special last meal…
The only “people” food he’s ever really loved: a beef n cheddar from Arby’s.
One more trip to the park to see the ducks.
Taking a break, mom should have brought the stroller.
Relaxing while waiting for dad to get home so we can take one last ride in the car.

One last nap with mom.
Enjoying the breeze.
Having one more conversation with mom before I have to go.

Goodbye my sweet boy. I’m so grateful to have had you as my “first born” and my little soulmate. Thank you for being my unlicensed therapy dog and always knowing when I needed you the most. I don’t remember how to be without you, but I’ll always remember how it was to have you by my side.


3 thoughts on “Goodbye.

  1. I’m more then crying. I didn’t realize you had to say goodbye soo soon. I’m so so sorry…sending a huge hug to you. Your living my worst fear, I can’t even imagine how you are feeling. Hugs


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s